albionspeak 2: the gates of dis (17.5)
SESSION 99: 5TH NIGHT, 7/31/05
Much the same agenda as the day before, although (I believe) this morning [A--], who’d been working as a baker, did not have to rise, like his bread dough, at some ungodly hour. (It’s great to be young & able to go days without sleep.) I myself was starting to feel deprived. [Scribe] slept in as always.
[A--] & I walked on the grounds of [a local attraction]. I recall nothing momentous, no power trees looming. We returned to [the house where Scribe and A-- live] a bit tardy, when suddenly [A--], overcome by the week’s accumulated fatigue (he is mortal), sent me on to [Scribe's neighborhood pub] alone to meet [Scribe]. Hours later, [A--] reemerged, recovered for our final night.
Our card: Nine of Swords: need to move past fear & anxiety into a state of well-being
11:43 PM
[dry run]
0. I AM WITH YOU ONCE MORE
[Guide]
Back to our old friend after his brief absence.
1. Q: [Guide], we know you are there.
A: I AM NEVER DISTANT & IT HAS BEEN IMPORTANT FOR YOU TO GREET MY BRO[THE]R [Guide 2]
HE WILL SPEAK TO A IN [THE] SEASON TO COME
2. Q: Have you a meditation?
A: [YES] IT IS AGAIN [THE] YS ONLY THIS TIME SEE [THE]M MEETING IN [THE] WATERS OF [THE] GROTTO ARMS TOUCHING ARMZ
I AM AT YO…
3. AT YOUR SERVICE
4. Q: We begin now, [Guide].
A: YOUR LIBRARIAN DON & I ARE WITH YOU ABOVE [THE] WATERY STARS
JANE §
This response, like many following our meditations, came after a long pause, except this time it neither felt nor sounded “oracular.” [A--] was excited, as this marked his first time speaking with Jane.
5. Q: Greetings, Jane.
Q ([A--]): It’s nice to finally meet you.
A: I HAVE BEEN EAGER AS WELL
6. Q: Is there a particular “face” this time, Jane?
A: NEI[THE]R MATURE NOR YET CHILDISH I COME SIMPLY AZ A FRIEND & K MATE TO BOTH YS
7. Q: What should we learn about, Jane?
A: IT IS SIMPLY A QUIET EVENING OF YOUR CONCERNS ON [THE] EVE OF YET GREATER THINGS
W: A Measure
8. Q ([Albion]): This year, despite few advances in our standard tasks & measures, I feel I have nonetheless made significant progress.
A: [YES] YOU ENACTED A MEASURE WITH [THE] AID OF ALBION THAT STANDZ OURSIDE [THE] STEPS YET…
9. MAY PLACE YOU NEARER TO [THE] SUN
IT IS [NO]W TIME FOR ME TO REVEAL [THE] MEASURE IF YOU AGREE
[Specifics of this "progress" are censored out of privacy concerns.]
10. Q ([Albion]): I do agree, Jane.
A: IT CONCERNS W WHICH IS [NO]T [THE] NAME OF A PERSON AT ALL BUT OF A PATH A PATTERN & MEASURE WORKING THUS
11. ALBION & YOU AGREED ON A JOURNEY IN WHICH [Albion] IN TIME WOULD JOU…
12. JOURNEY TOWARD & AWAY FROM [THE] CENTER & TOWARD & AWAY AGAIN
[THE] MEASURE WOULD RESULT IT WAS DECIDED IN [THE] FOLLOWING GAIN
13. [THE] WALL AROUND [Albion]S FOUNTAIN WOULD BE LEVELLED
[THE] LONG DRIED F…
14. OUNTAIN WOULD BE REFILLD & PERHAPS
[THE] WAND LONG FALLEN WOULD BE REWIELDED
FURTHERMORE…
15. [Albion] ASKED ME TO SAY NOTHING UNTIL [THE] MEASURE BORE FRUIT AS IT HAS
THUS MY SPEECH
[CUP] [CUP] [CUP]
I WELCOME YOU BACK TO VIGOR & [THE] FOUNTAIN
LOVE FROM…
16. JANE
LET US DRAWER NEARER
News doesn’t get better than this. But, in fact, I didn’t feel very good at the time. I was most disquieted – and not because I had been (at least partially ) wrong. Here’s why.
So [M--] is not W, as W is not a person at all. And yet Jane’s assertion here is a direct contradiction of her own response in the Second Yes-&-No game: “Is W a person?” “[YES]” (cf. 02:78:39) I have no resolution here; but – and here’s the funny dissonance – it’s hard to challenge your friends & teachers when you’ve just been congratulated on your achievements. I assumed I must have gotten W wrong, that I remembered the transcripts incorrectly and had gone too far in my readings – as I’ve done before. So where did I get this wrong idea? And what about my dream Parachute?
The Signs of Bearing
17. Q ([Scribe]): Thank you, Jane. I have a procedural question to ask you, if you’re willing.
A: [YES] PLEASE HOW MAY I HELP
18. Q ([Scribe]): Is there a form we should follow for finding the next k-members, if any are in the offing?
A: [YES] & IT IS VERY SIMPLE
FIRST [THE] TEACHERS WILL INDICATE ONE OF [THE] LETTERS OR SYMBOLZ
NEXT…
19. WE WILL ASSIGN ONE OF YOU THREE [THE] TASK
& FINALLY WE WILL GIVE YOU [THE] SIGNZ OR RECOGNITION OR AZ [THE]Y WERE CALLD ONCE [THE] SIGNS OF BEARING
ALL WILL SEE [THE]SE
20. Q ([Scribe]): Is there more?
A: [NO] & NO ONE IS IN [THE] IMMEDIATE GAME
THIS IS OUR YEAR TO GROW INTO OURSELVEZ
O.K. It’s nice not to be concerned for awhile.
[Question #21 is censored for privacy concerns.]
We next turned to Don and asked him to consider our evening’s tarot card.
Nine Swords, Nine Men
22. Q: Thank you, Jane. Don, would you comment on 9 SWORDS?
A: IT IS AFTER ALL A KIND OF LADDER WITH ALMOST UNBEARABLY
KEEN STEPS IS IT [NO]T?
[Scribe] records in the original [transcripts] our “bitter laughter” over this response.
23. Q ([Scribe]): I think we’ve all felt that sometime this year.
A: IT IS A NOTION NEAR [THE] CORE OF [THE] TEACHING & HELPS US
UNDERSTAND WHY SORCERY IN OUR SENSE IS NEVER COMMON
Nine is a magic number for us, its greatest touchstone being [Scribe]’s and my Nine Men, the 81 tasks that bring us to flight. I had completely lost track of where on this sequence I could place myself. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what counted as a step. Recall, the Nine Men are named from the final lines of Borges’ own poem “The Wait”.
Before you come,
An old monk has to dream about an anchor,
A tiger in Sumatra has to die,
Nine men have to die in Borneo.
24. Q: Nine swords, nine men?
A: [YES] AND [THE] NINE MEN WHO HAVE TO DIE ARE IMAGES OF WHAT [THE] FLYER IS TO LEAVE BEHIND
[Albion] HAS KILLED FOUR
[Scribe] HAS KILLD THREE
ABOUT A WE WILL SPEAK IN TIME TO COME
Four men down was good news, as I could only count 3+ for sure. As for [Scribe], well, we didn’t understand. After all, his nine men were long dead; he’d earned his wings years ago.
25. Q: Did [Scribe] not kill all nine, in order to become a flyer?
A: [YES] YOU EVADED TWO AND ENLISTED [THE] AID OF FELLOW WARRIORS FOR [THE] FINAL FOUR
I REALISE I SPEAK AS A SPHYNX BUT ITS QUITE TRUE NONE[THE]LESS
A distinction not known to us previously: to kill vs. to evade vs. to enlist help from others. Clearly I’ve not tried any but the most direct approach.
26. Q ([Scribe]): It follows that there’s more than one way to defeat or “leave behind” the 9 Swords.
A: EXACTLY ONLY SOME NEED TO BE FACED EDGE TO EDGE /
OF FUR[THE]R STRATEGIES I LEAVE YOU TO ADVISE ONE ANO[THE]R
Thinking about Don’s poem (or rather that of the other Borges), I decided to bring up my dream The Tiger from January, in which I am clawed in the leg by a great tiger, but I wind up dancing with this dangerous animal.
[Albion]’s Tiger Now Visible
27. Q ([Albion]): Don, I feel less frightened by my tiger. Am I fooling myself?
A: [YES] & [NO] A TIGER THAT IS TRULY EVADED OR TRANSFORMED AS INTO AN ALLY IS NO LONGER A THREAT
[THE] RISK IS REALLY IGNORING [THE] TIGER
28. Q ([Albion]): Has my tiger died?
A: RA[THE]R IT IS NOW VISIBLE & TANGIBLE /
THIS IS A MAJOR ADVANCE FOR YOU /
IT IS NOT [THE] END IT IS A BELIEVABLE MIDDLE
Echoes of Winston Churchill here? (Is this a war?) For the record, I was never asserting I was at an end; I was just using the language of Don’s poem in an effort to understand.
While on the subject, I decided to turn to what might have been a trivial subject, even ridiculous, had it not so thoroughly screwed up my life: my own leg injuries, particularly my Achilles tendons in both legs, which not only pull and/or tear when I sprint or exert myself (I’ve had to give up soccer ), but which have now started to rip without warning during slow jogs and even normal walking. These injuries often can just “go away” without warning too; and beyond the very real, sharp pain (like scissors severing the calf) & physical inconvenience (especially when unable to exercise), they are particularly frustrating since I can neither predict them, nor can I understand their cause. They make absolutely no sense.
Pain as a Reminder
29. Q ([Albion]): Don, please comment. The tiger of my dream clawed my leg; the Grail King is wounded in the leg; my own legs keep “exploding” on me often for no apparent reason.
A: I ALBION SPEAK
[THE] WOUND IS MY REMINDER TO YOU & MY SIGN FOR YOU TO
REMEMBER TO TURN TOWARD ME
DO [NO]T SAY I CANNOT MEET YOU AT [THE] SACRED PLACE
SAY [THE] PAIN IS TO REMIND ME I AM IN A SACRED PLACE
WHER I AM OR NOT AT ALL
THIS IS MY SIGN TO YOU O ALBION BELOW [sic]
Shit. I guess any explanation makes me grateful. And I suppose it’s Albion’s only way to communicate with me at this time, as I’m so dense. But what a bummer!
30. Q ([A--]): Greetings, Albion. I have had similar occurrences with the scarring on my arm. Is there something I should know?
A: [YES] AFTER [THE] SCARS CAME [THE] ADVISOR
[THE] RETURN OF PAIN TO [THE] LONG HEALD ARM IS [THE]
ADVISORS REMINDER TO YOU AS WELL
[THE] SCARS ARE GIFTS / USE [THE]M WELL
I ALBION GREET YOU & BID YOU THRIVE
So [A--] too! (There’s that word again, “thrive.”)
31. Q ([Albion]): Albion, while I’ve got you here is there anything more you’d like to tell me?
A: IT IS WORK & IT IS WORK THAT YOU CAN DO
THAT IS ALL – ALBION
32. Q: Thank you, Albion. Thank you, Don, for your reading in sphinx-mode. Now, if it be possible, the three of us call on Josef to come to our table.
A: I AM WITH YOU MY SONS
WHAT QUESTIONS?
A Reading of Parachute
33. Q ([Albion]): Josef, master of dreaming will you help me read Parachute?
A: FORM [THE] DOUBLE Y PATTERN TO FLY –
FAIL TO FORM IT & FALL
34. Q ([Albion]): And yet the purpose of a parachute is to fall, albeit in a controlled manner.
A: IT IS A FORM OF FLYING –
DID YOU NOT KNOW?
I almost let it go, but then I had to ask further. The Y’s were so clear; and M.K.W. [a figure in the dream] – seemed so clear: M = [M--], K = karass, W = W. If W wasn’t a person, what was the point of sending me a dream so obviously designed to lead me astray, to a false conclusion? Why do I feel like I’m being jerked around?
35. Q ([Albion]): And the M.K.W. figure?
A: AN IMAGE & AN IMAGE ONLY OF A VITAL INDEED LIFESAVING COLLABORATION
For the record, [M--] has not been excluded from the karass yet (and [A--], in semi-diviner mode, quickly added not to jump to that conclusion). Nor would it matter much to me regarding her importance to me, as there is something unique and important between us regardless. Yet the veil; yet the secrecy; yet, in this case, the disinformation.
The Gates of Lightning
36. Q ([A--]): Greetings, Josef. I have noticed some unusual abilities in dreaming, specifically storm manipulation and telekinetic ability. The storms have appeared several times at my call. Are these dreaming powers? And is there more I should know about them?
A: THE TEMPEST IS AN EMBLEM OF POWER YET IT IS ALSO A LURE IF YOU RELY ON IT TO DISPLAY POWER TO YOURSELF
JOURNEY THROUGH [THE] TEMPEST & [THE] GATES OF LIGHTNING INTO [THE] POWERS THAT LIE BEYOND [THE] STORM IN THE BRIGHT SKY OF DREAMING
I JOSEF CALL ON EACH TO SUMMON HIS REAL POWERS
WE HAVE NEED OF ALL
I JOSEF SPEAK
An abrupt end, or so it seemed to me at the time, as it seems also here in the rereading. Did [Scribe] have questions that went unanswered? I don’t know if he shared my own frustrations & emptiness. I came into these sessions feeling better than I left them, which is a first. But all of us, I’m sure, trust our friends and the process enough to know that nothing is in vain. Whatever crap they put us through is a blessing, is for our own good, and is, in fact, designed outside of time, at least in part, by our own hands.
I said good-bye to my friends & k-mates, who retained the transcripts and titled the final session that same night. It would be another month & 6500 miles across New England and Canada before returning to [my home], one month more before I’d see these sessions even for a second time. By that time I was in full, insane school-mode, meaning another six weeks before finishing this commentary. Undoubtedly much is lost. I’m grateful to [Scribe] for picking up where I could not this year.
2:37 AM