albionspeak: a draught of language
Note from Rhiannon: what follows are a series of emails: one written from Duncan to a friend; one written by me for friends and family; and one dictated to me by my dad, which I sent out on his behalf. He asked me to upload them in this order here.
July 23, 2025
[G--],
Sorry, I can’t play right now. I’m too sick. Yes, unfortunately you & [E--] & others including me were right: I’ve got something bad. To be blunt, I would be thrilled if the diagnosis turns out to be Parkinson’s Disease, which is the prime suspect right now, because the alternatives are much much worse.
I knew I was having problems in April & May while travelling Morocco & Spain. Every day involved more stress, more physical difficulty carrying luggage or walking for miles. I also had a variety of bugs which complicated those issues. When I found myself having difficulty signing my name or using a fork, I suspected Parkinson’s. Recall, my parents both were diagnosed with it, and my dad, like your mom, died of it after about a decade of decline. Unlike your mom, however, my dad mostly kept his mind, reading in six languages every day until just before the end, a heroic effort. (My mom, in contrast, also had Alzheimer’s and lupus and other issues that more dominated her life.)
When I got home in May, I had to find a doctor, as my own primary care physician retired without warning in December. No doctors were accepting new patients. Eventually I got an ARNP, who set me up with blood tests & MRIs. The blood tests, to my shock, showed nothing wrong, normal. Meanwhile my health took a sudden nosedive. I lost another 10 lbs in a week and became too weak to do anything. Then it got much worse, as I developed panic attacks and anxiety. Fortunately I got zoloft & xanax, and the worst is over, though anxiety still hits me for a couple of hours each day. The outrageous part of this is the medical delays. MRIs were ordered on July 3, but insurance was taking over a week to approve. Then they finally were set for Aug. 6, which was intolerable, because at the time cancer was the prime suspect.
I went around the system by going to urgent care and got a body ct-scan, which is cheaper & easier to schedule than an MRI. Then [my wife] drove me to [emergency hospital in large city], who saved my life in Feb. 2024, when [medical options in my town] could give me nothing for my serious pneumonia (I was hospitalized for a week, over $100,000). This time they gave me a ct-scan for my brain, so at least cancer has been ruled out, leaving a pool of neurological disorders, for which they could do nothing without a neurologist. The earliest I can see a neurologist is 9/18! Fortunately, [my niece] works for a medical equipment supplier and has insider connections at the [large city] hospitals. She knows the top doctors personally. It looks like I might be able to see someone in August, but nothing is set yet.
Right now I’m largely bed-ridden. I can sit in a reclined chair, but standing up exhausts me, and I get cold even on 80° days, as I’ve lost 40 lbs. My pulse is around 90 bps even when I’m sleeping, and I twitch all over, which looks like worms under my skin—awful. Again, Parkinson’s would be nice, as there are treatments, and the science has advanced enormously since my dad died in 2012. But MS, muscular dystrophy, ALS, and others remain on the list. My biggest concern is losing more weight, as I’m tearing into muscle, wasting away. My elbow is bruised, for example, just sitting up in bed, as my triceps just hang like loose skin which rolls over the elbow and pinches. My butt is gone, and now my quads are hurting and disappearing fast. I may need a wheelchair soon.
I wanted to wait to give my forever poker friends an actual diagnosis, but I won’t have one for a long time. Meanwhile I am force-feeding myself, trying to get calories, but it’s really tough. My appetite is on & off, and my stomach doesn’t know how to react to food. I don’t know if I’m actually digesting or if it just passes through.
The good news is I have my mind, and I can focus on reading or writing; and just talking is the best thing for me, because I forget my state. But TV or video games just raise my pulse and lead to anxiety. I can play piano, but I have no endurance. Most of each day is just suffering.
Let me close on an upbeat note: Some of you are aware that I can talk with my soul, have a literal acoustic conversation in my head with my eternal being, who answers in beautiful English. I can do this at a computer and actually type verbatim what transpires. After hundreds of conversations, cross-checking & corroborating, I know well when I’m truly speaking with him versus inventing some wish-fulfilled dialogue; I have many safeguards to make sure. As I began my descent into illness, I had an unprompted dialogue, where my soul told me I will not recover, but I still had plenty to contribute to the world. “This is a gift,” he told me. “You will become stronger.” At the same moment I saw how I once had a wonderful body which I pushed to the maximum for nearly sixty years—no regrets. I’ve also travelled the world, 57 countries, 49 states, etc. Now I get to live in the wonderful house I designed and built on 5.17 beautiful acres, with a dog, a cat, a guinea pig, and five sheep. I love my home more than any castle on the planet.
I thanked my soul deeply for his gift. I will be stronger.
Meanwhile, in other news, I have a new grandson, [N--], Deirdre’s third son. Both mom & baby are fine, though Deirdre lost more than 2.7 liters of blood (out of 5 L for a normal non-pregnant female). If she’d had a home birth, doctors say she would have died. But two days later she felt fine, and everyone is home well.
Sorry for this lengthy downer news. I hope to rejoin the poker table once I get drugs that can stabilize me. [My brother] can update further. Best wishes to all.
Duncan
October 10, 2025
Dear friends of Duncan,
I’m reaching out with a sad update on my dad. As some of you know, he was diagnosed with ALS in early August. ALS progresses differently in every individual, and unfortunately, my dad’s disease has been highly aggressive. He is planning to end his life under [our state]’s Death with Dignity Act well before the end of the year. He asked me to let you know on his behalf, because his fine motor skills have deteriorated to the extent that he can no longer use his computer.
This has been very sudden; as recently as this spring, he and my mom took a two-month trip through Italy, Spain, and Morocco. It was only towards the end of June that he started rapidly losing weight. The comments from his poker friends about his changing appearance helped motivate him to seek medical attention.
He’s now in hospice, and breathing, as well as any form of movement, is a struggle. There are some blessings, though: his cognition and personality remain unchanged, and he’s as excellent at talking as ever. ALS causes him severe discomfort with muscle twitches, but he doesn’t experience all-out “pain.” He’s enjoying his beautiful home and surrounded by family.
Apart from letting you know about his illness, I'm also reaching out to convey his open invitation: you're very welcome to stop by the house anytime (he emphasizes there's no obligation). He's also good on the phone, if you'd like to call.
I want to thank you for your friendship to our family, which in some cases goes back far enough to predate my existence. Duncan sends his best wishes and love to you all.
Rhiannon
November 4, 2025
Note from Rhiannon: My dad died yesterday, Nov. 3. See his last message below.
Dear friends,
Hello from beyond the grave! One fun thing about opting for Death With Dignity—which allows one to choose the time of one’s own passing—is that one can plot out post-mortem communiques.
My last days on this plane have been filled with the blessings of friendship. Let me express my deepest gratitude to each of you for getting in touch through emails, phone calls, letters, and bedside visits. In many cases, I’ve felt the conversations we’ve had here at the end have been the richest and most profound of our entire relationships. It is a rare gift, one I didn’t expect but have been deeply moved by, to get a glimpse at the ways I’ve touched people in my life, and to get to reflect on how I have been touched by such special individuals in turn. I insist I have lived the fullest life. Friends and family are the greatest testament to this.
My last paragraph I save as a plug for my website: albionspeak.com, where the reader will find over 2000 pages of mostly not my words, but the words of brilliant minds. As you may know, a friend and I spent a couple of decades together connecting to teachers outside of space and time using a Ouija board; I’ve spent the two decades since poring over the material. I’ve tried to share the Ouija transcripts—all 99 of them—with the world, and this marks my last chance to do so. On the website I write what I write to explain tough concepts, for eternity is beyond the reach of most humans today. I insist it’s not out of reach, and I present lessons for how we can access eternity while we still live—for I have done this myself. My daughter Rhiannon has always been interested in the transcripts and knows the materials well; if applicable, you may direct any curiosity or questions to her.
Aliah hail,
Duncan